Editorials & Opinion

Women Don’t Deserve to Be Gamers

There has been a series of outrage in gaming at large lately about the place of women. I am frankly done with it. Like political correctness, the spread of feminism in today’s culture has ruined a great deal of the things that I, as a man, enjoy, and I refuse to let it spread an inch further into my most cherished of past-times: gaming.

We can argue all day about if jokes like ‘they don’t make controller cords long enough to make it to the kitchen’ really go too far or if they step over the line into ‘misogyny’, but jokes like this point to a greater point: the fundamental and scientific differences between man and woman.

Women are caregivers, providers, and the self-sacrificing cog of human civilization. It drives me mad when females tell me they can’t cook or men admit to doing the dishes immediately after dinner despite having a Save on the last boss of a Final Fantasy game ready to beat. I won’t go so far as to say that women belong in the kitchen, but I will say that there strict purpose is to care for others. Why else would they be the ones to bare children?

This is exactly why women shouldn’t be gamers. They don’t care for science fiction or fantasy. They don’t want to band together with a bunch of other people to slay the latest patch’s bosses. They don’t want to kill anything, actually. If gaming catered to women, we’d be up to our necks in Farmville and The Sims sequels more than we already are now, if that is at all fucking possible. Instead of rich sci-fi space operas like Mass Effect, we’d be tending gardens and raising children. World of Warcraft would cease to have raids and instead have ‘tradeskill parties’ where players meet to make new outfits to show off around town or cook gigantic courses of food that require more hands in the kitchen than the average meal. League of Legends would stop adding characters with burst potential, and instead make more Support characters!

Feminism is dangerous to our very way of life. We’ll lose the freedom of expression. Instead of women with righteous big tits providing a little eye candy in the background as my level 25 Warlord sticks his blade deep inside a vicious orc, tits will cease to be depicted in gaming. What’s the point of dialogue with female party members in a Dragon Age game if the end result is something other than me banging one of the two hot women capable of joining my party? Feminism already managed to change the male gaming media against the recent Duke Nukem game. What else will they remove? Guns? Swords? Football? If we don’t act fast, Cooking Mama and Barbie’s Horse Adventure might become the only two candidates for Game of the Year!

As long as women continue funding and playing horrible social games like Farmville, they don’t deserve to boot up a custom gaming rig or sit down in the leather recliner in the game room. Groping, equal pay, and regarding upward mobility as a byproduct of the ratio of breasts to stomach fat are all distracting issues with little to no importance. What is important is how catering to women will completely alter and destroy everything we as male gamers have fought for and enjoy. Gore, tits, and cursing are the core of gaming. Don’t let women take that away from us!

And if you agree with this, tell your mother: I hope she slaps you.

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4 thoughts on “Women Don’t Deserve to Be Gamers

    • I am more concerned with people taking it too seriously on their one reading, and not appreciating some of the more subtle bits of humor in it!

      I was cracking myself up while writing it.

    • Thanks! I haven’t read a single article of your’s yet, but the title of your blog made me laugh very loudly, especially in the context of the post of mine you are responding to.

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